Blocking out the emotions

I call this week - Blocking out the emotions. These 6 days is all about shutting down all tears and numbing out the sensations. I refuse to cry this week. I refuse. I made a pact with myself that I was going to get through this week without crying or moaning or groaning or weeping or any synonyms that come with it. I shall stay strong and focus on my motor TP on the 20th instead which is so friggin near, I could hear my bones rattling with anxiety. SO NOT THE POINT. Lol.

There has been some speculation on the engagement and wedding business. Thought about mine myself. The malay engagement and wedding process is fun. You get to send stuff to the husband-to-be and receive some funny stuff back. These days, they tend to manufacture the gifts instead. I'm not sure which route I'll take but doing stuff instead of purchasing sounds like fun. I mean personal things that you've done will be more memorable than gifts. It'll be funnier, recognisable, touching..etc. All I'm saying is..I don't want to have the same things other people get. I want funny things..Lol. I have no idea what kind of funny gifts i even want.

I stumbled upon a teacher's postcard to me the other day. It was during my secondary graduation that he gave it to me. It dawned on me tt I have lost myself. I lost my dreams, I lost my direction in life, I lost myself really. The ambitious me has drowned in the whirlpool of bitter harshness of reality. I lay slumped on the floor as I read "When are you coming out with your bestseller?"

I loved to write, see. Teachers said my stories were good. Not great but good. But I've always enjoyed it. Used to think that I could even write a book. That dream died as well. Haiz. Seriously lost my dreams. I lost myself.