Downfall

Seriously. Now is the most trying time for me. Not having a job is one. And I can't seem to pass bike stages one time. I can't. It seems so impossible. The smallest mistake is blown out of proportions and I don't know how I should feel. All the guys ease through it all. The instructor said I managed to do it right near the end. AND STILL I FAILED. Eventhough one of the guy had the same problem. That's just.... Haiz. I don't know. I feel like I've been stomped on way to many times. I could be the problem to my own misery. I just can't do practicals properly. I don't know. I didn't have this much problem with driving. I feel so stupid. I'm incapable of passing one bloody stage once. It's become a pain to go to bbdc. Constantly being reminded that I can't pass so why bother coming. I don't want to give up. But at the same time, the heart can take so much. Patience can go so far. I would like to regain my confidence back. I really would. Everytime I fail, I could visually see my confidence level sinking. My self esteem can take so much. So maybe I'm a little competitive. I hate to see guys doing better than me each and every time. It's an ego thing I guess. What they can do, I want to do better. Shit sticks la. At this rate, I won't be able to pass till GOD knows when.

Don't even get me started with work. I have no career la. I'm starting to think GOD wants to have a little laugh and make me work at DKNY full time. I'm really getting desperate. At the same time, I want to work after I'm done with bike. Hopefully it'll be soon.