Moving On with Life

Things have been.. stagnant. Like it once were. Is that a gd thing? I don't know. Much like how I imagined life to be at 20. When I was young, I knew I was bound to get an office job, sitting at the corner office, staring at the screen all day long till break or it's time to leave. I had foreseen the future. Maybe it's just a job to pay my dues. After which, I'll really know what I want. At least I hope so. Otherwise I'll just stay at this one position.

This raya hasn't been as joyous as previous years. Everything's been put off till NS is over. So it's safe to say that I won't enjoy until after 2 years. 2 years till I get to see him whenever. 2 years till I'm stable. I'm rattling - I know.

I have been so bloody moody lately. I'm so self-concious. I see 2 people in the mrt in front of me laughing and I'll automatically think they're talking about me and I would be SO depressed and think to myself "What was wrong with me?" I am that paranoid. So I got all sad and think that I'm nt gd enough etc. Haiz. Thoughts, Gossips, Backstabbers, bullies...they all weaken me. They beat me to pieces till I crumble. Words cut through you like a sharp edge sword. Every one needs to wipe their mouths with soap to rinse away the criticisms and the hurtful, mean, spiteful things they say. The world is getting to be a tough one to live in.

Ignore this entry. I'm nt in the right state of mind to type anyway. Too wiped out.