Insecurities

It's hard to find someone who doesn't have any insecurities. Everyone is pretty much not happy with the cards they've been dealt with and though I am guilty, its actually a tad sickening. It's simply tiring of comparing myself with everything that society has fed me to believe I should be. I should be Nice. Lady-like. Thin. Smart. Confident. Pious. Polite. Friendly. Helpful. And the what-nots. To carry this burden these days is simply... stressful. Pressurising because I have to uphold not only my own, but the society's expectation. It's impossible to be that freaking perfect. Yet, we chase it because we haven't given ourselves a yardstick. We have basically set up a benchmark to be the very things that we are not. Is it so bad that I'm heavy at the bottom? Is it so bad that I've chubby cheeks all my life? Is it so bad that I don't know what to do with my life? Is it so bad that I can't achieve whatever it is that people expect me to? Eventhough I may express my concerns here, we all know that when I wake tomorrow, I have to succumb to being all of the above because ... it's expected. And everyone caught not going with the way of society, gets teased to no end. Whatever happened to being who you deemed? What's right has become a wrong in my generation.

I remember there was once upon a time when I thought my friends couldn't be bothered with me. I thought they didn't care. But I realise now it was all part of growing up. I can't expect them to be there for me every freaking second. All those times I lent a listening ear, I should understand that I did that willingly with no intention of wanting the same attention from them. Because friends are human. And they have too many friends to contact. I understand now. It was a period where adjustment was needed and we should have our own space. I can' t think that once they don't contact, they don't think about me. Cut the story short, man, I was whiny.

Ok though this paragraph may relatively contradict the last word in the above paragraph but I require a place where I can vent my frustration. Don't get me wrong. I love how work can pile up. I do...it keeps me busy. On my toes from 8.30 to 5.30. So I welcome it with open arms. However, it's a bit ridiculous if you expect me to finish the things that I received today. They offered help like what...once?! To top it off, there was so many of your bloody work that had to be monitored and done ASAP. In addition, I keep getting interrupted. Why can't you just do it yourself. You got the call, you get the docs from scanning. BUT NO. There I was, scavanging the scanning area for the 2nd or 3rd time today. Have the decency to...sigh. Nevermind. I just hate covering other people's workload.

It's the weekends. Like finally.